its just about you

You are the closest friend I have ever had. The closest that I will ever have. I have never been shy with you. Never thought of what I will say to you. Just said whatever I had to, looking straight in your eyes. We have shared everything, deep, dark secrets to every little detail of our day. Never did I have a problem with talking to you, never have I felt uncomfortable with you.

But now that we have suffered an irrecoverable loss, I do not know what to say. I see you sitting there, head in hands, tears in eyes, pain in heart, but I do not say a thing. I see you broken beyond repair and I wish I could come and put your scattered parts together. But I cannot, can I? For the parts have been scattered far and wide, into outer space, impossible to get them back.

I wish I could console you. I wish I could say something to help you out,even though i have a lot to say but my lips refuse to move,. But what can I say? “Be strong and keep faith”? How can I say that when I know that it is impossible for you n even me to be strong now, and faith, even more difficult to keep. For me these are all hollow words, empty words, words that mean nothing, words that i wouldn’t want to hear from a friend had I been you. So I say nothing. I just stand by you,trying my evry bitto make things happen and watch you cry, wishing to mend you somehow. But I say nothing apart from “I’m sorry”.

But do you take my silence for indifference? Do you think that I have shrugged my shoulders and moved on, leaving you sitting at the corner? My silence doesn’t mean that I do not care, it just means that I feel so many things - love, fear, admiration for your strength (for I would have succumbed to a loss of this magnitude), i feel all these things and other unname-able emotions, and so I cannot figure out what I should say to you.

In the midst of it all is another feeling, that of uncertainty. Will this loss affect our relation, our friendship? Will my silence affect our friendship? Am I being selfish in thinking like this? Are you thinking “What right do you have to ask about our friendship when you are doing nothing now?” ? But I feel as helpless as you do. I feel the same pain as you do. I cry the same tears as you do. I’m just uncertain how to tell all this to you. I cannot come up with something honest and something that would really give you the strength to tide over this rough sea. All I can do is just promise that I will keep watching over you and keep trying to remind you that I’m there with you whenever you need me and even if you dont need me . i realize things are not what they were but i m sure they would someday be, because i have this faith on you , on me and on our friendship.